Lessons Learned

“I bet you want me to saddle that horse for you,” Grandpa said with a sigh as he dusted off the bits of hay remaining on his clothes from his daily chores. Under the heavy lids of his eyes, I saw a twinkle of excitement. Oh, how I loved to ride my horse and even though Grandpa was exhausted from his labored day, his recliner would wait. Grandma would tell him, “Just tell her you are too tired,” but he would always take me back to the barn where he would place me in the manger as he went about saddling and grooming.

I watched as Grandpa and my horse communicated on a level that I could see but not hear. There before me was a strong man with a deep connection with horses. My grandfather had a reputation of “having a way with horses.”

Grandpa always provided me with horses that he trusted. Ribbon was about as bomb-proof as you could get. I was always looking for ways to impress my grandfather. Whether I was “barrel racing” around buckets in the yard, pretending to be a trick rider by standing on my horse, or sliding off her neck or rump, Ribbon was my willing, but lazy partner.

My next horse, Skip, was quite a transition from the lazy, quiet horse. He was a spirited Arabian gelding. He loved to be ridden as much as I loved to ride him. Much of our time was spent racing with a friend or trail riding through the woods. I began to find training opportunities, and I would try to figure out how Grandpa would handle it.

What I regret most about my youth is that I took the knowledge that my grandfather had to offer for granted. Why didn’t I ask questions when I had the opportunity? The innocence of youth fooled me into thinking he would always be there.

A few years after my grandfather passed away, I was drawn to the desire to have horses again. Over the years, I developed the mentality that being around horses my whole life somehow qualified me as a skilled rider. Yes, I knew that I had a lot to learn. I just didn’t know how much. Over the last couple years, a new world has opened up to me and I have been able to move past the infatuation. I have found a deeper, truer connection with my horses, very much like what I saw in my grandfather.

The change began with Dakota, a beautiful, black mare, with training issues. Knowing she had issues was appealing to me, I was determined that I did not want a dead broke horse. Dead broke meant boring. I thought that I could pick up riding where I left off some 10 years earlier. Trust me when I say, balance is not retained!

Luckily, after a few spills and thrills, I had enough sense and encouragement from others to get help. This was a huge turning point and there was no looking back. I began lessons with Nancy Darrin. She took my horse and me back to the beginning in order to build a foundation of trust and respect. Our time in the round pen, on the lunge line, and ground driving paid off. I will never forget the first time I felt Dakota connect with me. It was a very powerful experience and from then on, all the old routines, the everyday handling, leading, feeding, took on a new dimension. I had a new horse but more importantly, I was transformed.

That was only the beginning of my learning curve. Now that I had connected with my horse on the ground, I put her in training with Marcia and kept myself in training with Nancy. I knew that just as I had to fill the holes in my horse’s training, I also had to fill the holes in my equitation. I concentrated completely on myself as a rider for a couple of months. And when the time came to start riding Dakota again, I still had issues to face. Even though I had built a connection with her on the ground, I still had to transfer that connection in the saddle.

With my new found knowledge and humility came reality. As Marcia often says, “You don’t know what you don’t know.” The more I learned, the more I realized what I didn’t know. At this stage, it is very common for fears to set in. I was afraid of falling off, afraid of untraining my horse and even more afraid of the unknown. Dakota, being a very sensitive horse, was fully aware of my fears. This all became clear to me one day when I just didn’t understand why she was being so emotional. Davalee offered to ride her. I watched in amazement as I saw Dakota’s instant transformation. Davalee’s quiet but strong leadership set the boundaries that Dakota needed to feel secure. There was no way I could help her feel secure until I handled my own fears and developed my equitation and leadership skills to the level that she needed. I had to accept that I was not ready for a horse like Dakota.

So many doors have opened for me now that I made that decision. These days, I am training and riding a nice, quiet mare. My confidence continues to grow as my fears are replaced with knowledge. MM Training and Consulting helped me to build a strong foundation of principles. These principles are helping me to develop the leadership skills that I need for my horse and me. Also, I have met some great people and have an opportunity to work with a team of women that create dynamic energy. I am committed to reach out to others and help them develop their horsemanship skills through the ABF foundation and 4-H.

Though I have much more to learn, I know some very important things. I know that a horse has to earn my love; I don’t give it out freely. This creates a much deeper connection than a superficial, one-sided infatuation. I know that someday I will be ready to ride a sensitive horse. I also know that my grandfather is looking down from heaven and is very proud of the horsewoman I am becoming. And I know that others can develop a stronger connection with their horses and I will continue to “pay it forward” by helping others develop their horsemanship skills. Most importantly, no matter how much I learn and no matter how long I work at it, there will always be another lesson to be learned.